Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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