so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
