A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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