she told me i tasted like america
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
