I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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