um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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