Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we're so committed to being not committed
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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