yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
