Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
