The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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