He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
