I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
