Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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