i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize