There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
