hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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