you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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