i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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