Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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