ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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