i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
