dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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