i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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