Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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