how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
