im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
