I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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