no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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