New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
