I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
