so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize