Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
