you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
