you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
