Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
