Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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