The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
