I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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