i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You need a sexual gate keeper
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
