If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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