Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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