Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
