So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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