I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
