you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Houston, we have a blender
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
