i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
pray to the hookup gods
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
