$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
