It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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