He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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