I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
