Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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