I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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