My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
handjob tips. give me some.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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