Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
