I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
