everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
