took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
