Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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  (402): I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card. http://tfl.nu/3ttc
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  (956): View more from Texas

  im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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  (956): im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober. http://tfl.nu/pinp
  Replies (10) Good night (2566) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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  (907): started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night. http://tfl.nu/6i6d
  Replies (20) Good night (1038) Bad night (4898) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

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  (612): I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people http://tfl.nu/8cwf
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

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  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (7167) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  We welcome drunken adversity.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  With open legs.

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  (724): We welcome drunken adversity. (1-724): With open legs. http://tfl.nu/iqs6
  Replies (12) Good night (3280) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS

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  (416): DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS http://tfl.nu/59kb
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?

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  (847): What sexual position says im sorry for your loss? http://tfl.nu/sjhl
  Replies (26) Good night (2240) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

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  (516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (363)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Sounds like sex on a twister board.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...

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  (541): Sounds like sex on a twister board. (1-541): An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing... http://tfl.nu/ydi6
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  (415): View more from California

  OPIZZABONMYDICK

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  (415): OPIZZABONMYDICK http://tfl.nu/43zd
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  (914): View more from New York

  Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?

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  (914): Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion? http://tfl.nu/d942
  Replies (0) Good night (631) Bad night (541)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.

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  (913): This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for. http://tfl.nu/vkxq
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Especially drunk mermaids.

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  (208): That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck. (208): Especially drunk mermaids. http://tfl.nu/soai
  Replies (8) Good night (1039) Bad night (218)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES

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  (210): DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES http://tfl.nu/t9nl
  Replies (5) Good night (1131) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt

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