Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.