I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.