Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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