as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...