I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?