A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.