Texts From Last Night

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  (353): View more from

  When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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  (353): When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head http://tfl.nu/g0x9
  Replies (14) Good night (1823) Bad night (3289)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?

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  (337): Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am? http://tfl.nu/uaqy
  Replies (11) Good night (4077) Bad night (1047)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

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  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (6056) Bad night (3095)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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  (662): It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face http://tfl.nu/qofd
  Replies (9) Good night (2162) Bad night (1446)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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  (870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y
  Replies (4) Good night (2988) Bad night (835)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  They have marijuana tests too!

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  (256): Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know. (256): They have marijuana tests too! http://tfl.nu/avoj
  Replies (9) Good night (1279) Bad night (493)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.

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  (863): If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis. http://tfl.nu/mwio
  Replies (5) Good night (946) Bad night (419)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations

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  (413): Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations http://tfl.nu/s70c
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (627)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.

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  (715): Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk. http://tfl.nu/dnee
  Replies (2) Good night (365) Bad night (911)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this

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  (905): He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this http://tfl.nu/kyr9
  Replies (3) Good night (787) Bad night (318)
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  (+57): View more from

  I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.

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  (+57): I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird. http://tfl.nu/r46z
  Replies (6) Good night (896) Bad night (393)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"

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  (734): The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!" http://tfl.nu/glab
  Replies (3) Good night (672) Bad night (331)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?

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  (585): Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it? http://tfl.nu/82ze
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (329)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...

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  (205): I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge... http://tfl.nu/he3w
  Replies (0) Good night (520) Bad night (338)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.

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  (570): I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on. http://tfl.nu/q3p4
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (227)

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