Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now