Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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