Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
