everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
