Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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