Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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