the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
