wrigley field is MILF paradise
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
