my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
