So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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