normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
