I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
